One Man’s Tragic Story and What Pool Means to Him
© October 2009
From the early age of 13, Phil recalls banging balls around at the nearby YMCA with his skateboarding buddies. With no bridges available, it was normal to switch between shooting right-handed and left-handed. Their summers were carefree and pool kept them out of trouble. It would be seven years later before Phil’s adolescent pastime would rescue him from his darkest demons.
Continuing to play throughout grade school, he entered college and found himself a regular at Classic Billiards, the all-ages pool hall at the time. On one late night he witnessed the owner, Jason, matched up in 9-ball sets with a road player and for the first time, he recalled seeing two players “play 9-ball the way it was supposed to be played.” The two men broke and ran racks, played strategic defensive moves, made all the tough shots and made the game look so beautiful. I’m sure we can all remember the first time we saw pool played at a high level. It’s like making music.
A couple years later, Phil invested in his first pool cue. It was a hundred dollar Viking cue which he still owns today. Along with the cue, he picked up a couple instructional videos. The one he watched over and over was Jerry Briesath’s “How to Play Pool Right.” That would be his first breakthrough in taking the game more seriously. At a young age, his parents divorced and his mom remarried. Both his dad and his step-dad also dabbled in the game and encouraged his interest.
At age 20, Phil attended a college party that would forever change his life. It was there that he met Julie, an old high school crush. The two instantly connected and within weeks were head over heels. Their romance quickly progressed. They were madly in love and after a brief five-month courtship Phil proposed marriage and Julie accepted. It was a fairytale love story that would have a devastating ending.
The two married and briefly moved to the East coast. In the fall of 1996, they returned to Colorado where Phil would face the initial blows of the hardships to come. That December, Phil’s step-father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They were told he only had three months to live. He called his wife to break the news. She was spending Thanksgiving with her family in Chicago and planned to return to Colorado as soon as possible.
I was purposely destroying myself. I was looking for answers. Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?
The haunting events that followed will remain with Phil for the rest of his life.
On a chilly December evening, Phil received the most shocking phone call you could ever imagine. It was Julie’s mom. He listened in utter disbelief as she spoke the words, “…she’s gone…”
Just like that, in an instant, Julie was gone. Phil’s beautiful bride was making her way back home from Chicago when, the state patrol later confirmed, she had fallen asleep behind the wheel and drove off the road. Luckily, no one else was injured but the grief over her death still remains with him to this day. Phil fought back the tears as he shared the details with me.
“The most painful day of my life was when I saw my baby girl just lying there,” he said, “She looked peaceful but I never hurt so badly in my life. I wanted to die. This whole time, I just asked ‘why?’.” After failed counseling sessions and turning to his religion for answers, Phil then turned to the only thing at the time that numbed his sorrow – alcohol.
Meanwhile, he and his mom were still pained by his step-dad’s diminishing health. Phil explained, “I was purposely destroying myself. I was looking for answers. Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?” Failing to find a reason to live, he was giving up on life.
After three months of self-destruction and complete misery, a good friend’s words would unknowing commence Phil’s healing process. She said, “She [Julie] wouldn’t want you to live your life like this. Didn’t you love to play pool?”
You might leave the game, but the game will never leave you.
“It made perfect sense,” Phil recalls. In February 1997, he screwed his cues together again. “The first day, I was just going through the motions. I forced myself to do it again the next day. Then, for about half an hour, I actually forgot about what happened, for the first time.” He was immediately flushed with all his fond memories and experiences from the game.
“From that point on, I really shaped up. I went back to school and took up pool again,” he recalls with a smile on his face, “Yeah, she wouldn’t want me to live this way. She knows that I’ll always love her.” He began taking lessons and playing again for hours. He transferred his pain from the bottle to the balls. He even took trips to the pool hall with his step-dad after chemo treatments, before his condition worsened and eventually ran its course.
How does he handle pain nowadays? “Nothing can possibly compare to what happened,” he explains, “Pool definitely saved my life, wholeheartedly. Yeah, I started to get my act together, but at the same time, all the energy that I had, whether it be good or bad, I channeled it into something positive.” When asked how someone going through struggles of their own could benefit from his story, he adds, “whatever situation you’re going through, it doesn’t have to be pool but find something that you’re passionate about, something you love, and use that energy to do something positive versus feeling like life dealt you a crummy hand. Think about what you have, how fortunate you are. Sure enough, there’s someone out there in the world that would kill for what you have.”
My heart will always be to the game because of what it’s given to me.
As a powerful final statement, “You might leave the game, but the game will never leave you.” These days, Phil experiences another high in his life from marathon running and training. His time is split between pool and running. He is thankful for having found such a magnificent, faithful friend in pool.
“My heart will always be to the game because of what it’s given to me. It’s hard to describe in words. It gave me my life back. It’s really not just a hobby. It’s a passion.”
[The player’s name in this story has been changed to protect his identity.]
